Staff Writer
So far this school year, the Sea Gulls’ football team failed to be ranked at the end of the season and the basketball team just barely missed the Division III tournament. Since then, the administration has been discussing ways to bring better luck to Salisbury University’s athletic teams.
After several months of secret administrative meetings behind closed doors, inspiration has been found from one of this year’s championship teams – the Seattle Seahawks – in order to solve some of our sports teams’ woes. So, after no previous indication to the campus community that a mascot change was in the works, the administration has decided that SU needs to be more like the champions and will officially change our teams’ name from the Salisbury Sea Gulls to the Salisbury Seahawks, effective today.
“We just think it makes a lot of sense,” said SU’s school spirit director Mimi DeWave. “The name ‘seahawks’ is not only scientifically proven to give sports teams better luck, but it also helps with school spirit as well.”
Student reaction seems to be in line with DeWave’s thinking.
“I will definitely be more likely to go to sporting events now that we have a more respectable mascot,” said sophomore Luanne King. “The Sea Gull is such an embarrassing mascot – it’s like the rat of the beach. A seahawk is a much more threatening mascot and it does not make annoying noises either.”
Seattle Seahawks fans on campus also seem to be happy about the name change.
“Oh my god, this is the best decision this school has ever made,” said junior and Seahawks fan Ben Wagon. “I’ve been a Seahawks fan since January and now all my favorite teams are the Seahawks.”
Other students are not so happy, especially since they feel like they are being coerced into buying completely new school merchandise from the exorbitantly expensive bookstore.
“This is bull crap, all the shirts that say ‘Salisbury Sea Gulls’ that I bought in August are now completely worthless,” said a freshman who wished to remain anonymous in fear that he would be abducted and brainwashed Clockwork Orange-style if the bookstore knew that he revealed their newest money making plans.
Because of the name change, Sammy the Sea Gull will go through a minor change and become Sammy the Seahawk. Oddly enough, Sammy the Seahawk, like his Sea Gull predecessor, will still be portrayed as having arms instead of wings, leaving many biology majors to question whether Sammy was ever actually a Sea Gull, or even a bird for that matter, in the first place.